Saturday, June 13, 2009

Lost

I'm feeling a little lost lately. Like I can't get my bearings.

Too much to do, and not enough time to do it.

I'm currently working my 5th night shift in a row. I've drank about 200 gallons of coffee, my left eye is twitching, and I'm not really sure what day it is right now.

I've been thinking so much lately about being a working mom. I know it's been said before a million times, but I'll say it again.

IT. IS. SO. HARD.

Seriously. I had no idea what I was in for.

I really like my career...most days.
I really like these goobers...but I like them every day.


See the difficulty here?

There are so many things that I want...To be an awesome mom. To be successful at my job. Cook (eat?) great dinners. Buy groceries during daylight hours. Go for a run every day. Sew my daughter some dresses. Finally make my son the Superman cape I've been promising him. Have a weekly date night with my husband. Read. Blog. Be crafty. Start a business.

I want to understand the concept of "free time."

I feel like my day cycles around three things: 1. Go to work 2. Spend as much quality time with family as possible 3. Sleep

(#3 is the clear loser in this rat race. I recently read an article that said a mom needs 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night to function effectively. Obviously that author is smoking some crack.)

And it's not a matter of wanting to be a SAHM, because I don't think that's the answer for me. Particularly for the fact that if we had to rely solely on my poor hubby's Catholic-school-teacher salary, we'd be living in a cardboard box downtown next to Famous Lunch. My job can stress me out, but I'm proud of the accomplishments I've made and I know that so much more lies ahead in my chosen field.

So how do you make it all work?

I feel like the answer is out there, hidden amongst the zillions of web articles on organization, menu planning, time-saving techniques, quick workouts, audio books, calendar-sharing, etc. But the answer continues to elude me.

Three weeks from today, our family vacation will officially start. That is what is keeping me focused and positive. Two solid weeks of doing nothing except having a great time - no deadlines, voicemails, pager, meetings, or reports. Can't wait.

But for now, I'm going to refill my coffee cup and plug on through this last night shift. As long as they don't find me with my face on the keyboard in a puddle of drool, I'll consider this night to be a success.

11 comments:

The Weisser family said...

I know exactly how you feel! It is so tough trying to do everything we want in so little time! I feel like my life is spent running! From the moment I get up. . . run around the house to get ready, pack the diaper bag, pack my lunch, make sure everyone has eaten b-fast(& most days I eat mine in the car between dropping the boys off & getting to work) then we rush out the door to get everyone where they need to go. I run to the grocery store or do erronds if i happen to get a lunch break, then after working all day pick up the boys & get home it's usually 7:30 & we rush to make dinner, bathtime & then off to bed. UGH! I am tired jusat thinking about it!!! It is so hard to have time to do the normal daily stuff, be a mom, a wife & run a business! Then also find time to do fun stuff & not to mention time to relax! (whats that???) Thats why I'm so looking forward to camping this summer, time to relax w/ no obligations, & hanging out w/ my boys! & totally pumped about the NY trip!!!! It's comin up fast!! Cant wait!

Anthea said...

Oh - I am so where you are right now.

I hope that the thought of a holiday is enough to get you through and I hope that your holiday sees you feeling refreshed, renewed and relaxed at the end of it. Take care.

mejane said...

I work part time and I'm always wondering how full time moms do it. Even with my schedule I feel overwhelmed. Hang in there and cherish the moments you have with your sweet kiddos.

You asked about the scooter. It's pretty neat. Daniel likes it, but he doesn't use it all that much. I don't know how tall Seamus is but as you can see by our pic, Jakey can barely reach the handles. The downer, you can't adjust the height.

Here's to a relaxing, stress free, re-energizing, and family time filled vacation!

Melissa Swartley said...

I know that feeling all too well! Too funny... That person was smoking some crack! I get about 5 hours of sleep on a good night! I was a working mom 2 years ago... I am now a SAHM. Both ways are really tough! Sometimes I felt that work was a mini vacation each day, others I was super disappointed when I would miss something exciting at home. I missed my kids every minute I was there! Being a SAHM now can be hard because we now have to budget, where we didn't have to so much before. I really miss the adult communication too... most of my daily conversation is directed to a 17 month old and a 4 year old, so "you gotta go potty" and "the sheep says baaaa" is about all I get in that department. My choice to leave my job came when we found out the complications encompassing Sonya's life. I probably would have returned to work if Sonya wasn't born with a comprimising bone condition. I love being a SAHM now and caring for my kids directly making sure every need is taken care of, but I really do miss those crazy days at work and my fun co-workers sometimes too! I will probably go back once Sonya is in 1st grade and during school hours, which seems light years away right now. Balancing it all even while being a SAHM can be really hard too. I once had a friend who just didn't "get" it! She thought I sat around watching soap operas all day! WTF? If she could only see me now, digging out the diaper explosion that ended up all up inside my daughters spica cast while yelling at the 4 year old to stop painting the cat with green fingerpaints and listening to the 7 year old read back her homework answers! LOL! I wish I had the answer to "how do you make it all work" too! I think your vacation will help rejuevenate and clear your mind! I can't wait for ours to begin this weekend!

Melisa said...

Just keep thinking of that vacation that lies ahead. Wish I could be in NY with ya. Totally with you at the not enough time in the day. If Todd didn't have the hours he has then I would say my working outside of the home would be more managable but with him gone 5 evenings a week leaving me alone with the kids I don't know that it is really worth it. I am burned out by the end of the day. When did I last have a blog post? When the economy turns upwards I may decide to give my job the boot...that is if I don't get laid off prior. I am almost scared to leave my job now since I wonder how secure Todd's job is with the state (California has such issues). I worked full time putting myself through college, and then worked 10 years before getting married and having children that I also would hate to just leave I job I worked so long and hard for. It can really be a tough decision. I guess you really can't have your cake and eat it too.

Destini said...

Amen! It is tough, and I know what suffers the most at our house - the house and yard! I work, and then spend the evening playing with the kids/dogs/horsies, which leaves little time for that pesky housework. I totally support the "lived-in" look at home. Plus we eat lots of takeout. I'd love to be super mom, but I just can't manage it. The kids are clean and happy and fed, and that's about all I can muster!

Jillsblog said...

Emily....oh you have no idea...well yes actually it sounds like you do. I have 10 kids in my house everyday of the week ...and well sometimes, I just need a calgon bath to take me away!!!!!!

I hope your vacation is peaceful and you get lots of relaxation time!!!!

Kim said...

I totally relate. I find it so hard to work. I just wish sometimes I had a job that allowed me a little more freedom. Like maybe one day off a week to spend with Preston. I think sometimes I spend four hours total with Preston a day except for the weekends and then they are spent running around doing errands. Sometimes I get very upset and wish I had had the opportunity to be a SAHM even for a year, but being divorced when Preston was an infant did not allow me that opportunity either.
It sucks. Maybe one day I will win the lotto-and I will nto forget my first POLP friend ;-)

Greene Family said...

I know how you feel too! Melissa S. and I have had very similar conversations lately. I work full-time from home so that I can be home with Simon full-time too, and by Thursday I am usually drained for the week. I'm always asking my husband, "where did the day go already?"
I'm so happy for you that you have a two week vacation coming up!! Keep thinking of that, and hopefully, it will be relaxing and re-energizing for you!

Mike said...

Cherylle just about cried when she read this, and has been insisting since then that I read it so I understand how she feels. We're in a very similar boat - she would spend every waking minute with the family if she could, although she'd never survive as a SAHM. It's just not in her personality. We'd starve and be homeless on my theater salary - not to mention the fact that she's actually really successful in her field, and is a big fancy corporate exec for the company she works for, even if it is in social services. She lives for the weekend and for vacations, and is totally psyched for NY!

Thanks for hitting the nail so completely on the head for her!

Caden and Mommy said...

Emily!
I hear ya! Being a working Mom is tough! I don't even know how you can handle the night shifts when you have them - no way for me!
That is the blessing about my job. I get nine weeks off during the summer. I HAVE to work because Dan is self employed and CLEARLY we need Health Insurance. Do I use my college education for my job? NO. But am I stressed when I leave work for the day? NO . So since I have to accept the fact I must work I often wonder, do I want a job that challenges me? Do I want a job where I make more money? There are pro's and cons'. But during the school year I TOTALLY hear ya on your 3 things during each day ... and your Goobers are ADORABLE!